The things we do to the people we love

In the face of a cancer diagnoses, there is a lot of anger.  Often, people will lash out at the ones we love the most.

Here is an excerpt from I'm with you now by M. Catherine Ray, "We are hardest on those we love most deeply.  We make more demands on them, trusting them not to abandon us, even if we aren't polite or kind." 

I was guilty of this both times.

When Stefan was diagnosed, I got angry with one of my best friends, due to the sole fact that she had come to the hospital when I told her not too.  Kinda silly.  But another good friend consoled her with the sage advice of "Taleen probably needs to be mad at someone right now.".  No truer words could be said.  My friend handled it like anyone in that situation should - with patience and compassion.  I'm so thankful she stood by me, didn't take it personally, and continued to be the amazing friend she is.

When Charlotte was diagnosed, I again lashed out at someone close to me.  Unfortunately, that relationship didn't hold up.  My advice to others who have a loved one who goes through something like this, is to allow compassion and patience.  If they lash out - I advise you to not take it personally (as best you can) and saying something like "I know you are hurting, I'm here for you when you are ready", and continue to tell them you are there for them.

I think the greatest lesson I learned when I worked with children is to not take bad behaviour personally.  When a toddler strikes out - our first thought is usually "is he hungry, tired, teething?".  If we deal with a grumpy cashier, peoples first thought tends to be "what a poopiepants" instead of thinking "they are probably tired, hungry, or had a fight with someone they love".

So, in the spirit of Christmas (or which ever holiday you celebrate), next time you run into a poopiepants, try to imagine what their custom shirt might say; "my husband has a brain tumour and my kid has cancer", or "how will I pay my credit card this month", or "my mother is ill", "or "I'm hungover".  Use your imagination and remember some kindness and compassion. 

Love and compassion are necessities, not luxuries.  Without them humanity cannot survive.
Dalai Lama